


Heart

by ShadowBlazer



Series: Heart [5]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Character Development, Developing Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28599747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowBlazer/pseuds/ShadowBlazer
Summary: V is changing, and Judy can't keep up until she realizes she needs to change too.Part 2 to Heartspin. Judy’s perspective across Act 2, 3, and a certain ending.
Relationships: Judy Alvarez/Female V, Panam Palmer & Female V
Series: Heart [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076372
Comments: 91
Kudos: 473





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, the official part 2 to Heartspin. It has been fun writing these series, and while you don't need to necessary read the other stories in it, they will be briefly referenced in this story. Given that this happens after the romance is done, a lot of the events in this story has been written to fill in the gaps again. I also have taken some liberty with revising certain game scenes for more narrative impact, and I hope you guys enjoy reading this either way. As a head's up, there are some major endgame spoilers. I would advise you to play through the game first before reading.
> 
> Thanks to Halifax for her feedback as always.
> 
> Edit: Changed the summary. Upon reflection, I realized this story was about Judy's journey through her own personal development and updated the summary to show that and to be more accurate.

Judy always had a problem letting go.

From her rage at Maiko to the fierce sorrow at seeing her flooded hometown, Judy knows she holds onto things far longer than she needs to. She hopes it will be different with V.

The first couple of weeks of dating after inviting V to the cabin feel like a dream.

Aside from the date at the ramen shop that ended up in a shootout, everything is mostly calm, domestic. V doesn’t quite move in, but she spends the majority of her nights with Judy when she isn’t out on a nocturnal gig and Judy definitely isn’t complaining. 

V’s constantly over, snoozing in Judy’s bed in the mornings, hair mussed, and Judy feels herself falling a little more everyday whenever she looks at her.

It gets her bad enough that Judy finds herself one day standing at her counter, face in her hands, as she starts thinking of where they’ll go once they leave Night City: Oregon, of course, to visit her grandparents, then maybe a place along the coast, somewhere near the water where Judy could practice diving. V could maybe continue merc work out there or maybe hunt or fix cars. She is incredibly resourceful, so Judy doesn’t worry too much if V will find something to bring in the ennies. 

She shares some of these thoughts with V, who appears thoughtful before offering a few other suggestions—Atlanta, Austin, Tuscan—and Judy finds herself looking at her, feeling the warmth in her chest expand throughout her body, growing hotter, more intense. V absolutely does not understand it when Judy grabs her face and kisses her like there will never be a tomorrow, but she goes along with it anyway.

V still keeps a lot of thoughts to herself, her hand still held close to her chest, eyes hard and sharp in that way most mercs have when asked about the specific details of their gigs. Privacy and client confidentiality are preem traits in mercenaries, V explains, and those who can’t hold their tongues either don’t get work or end up as the target of said gigs.

Still, she does open up bit by bit, sharing an occasional insight or snarky remark about her work, what she did that day. Nothing too detailed, but enough that Judy can piece together a general idea of what goes down in V’s life, especially if Night City notices too.

Once, Judy glances at the news as she makes herself lunch, only to see a report of an unidentifiable person shooting glass flamingo lawn ornaments in Rancho Coronado before chasing down a self-driving car. She pauses, mid-sandwich, and wonders if that’s V.

After a few seconds more of the announcer mentioning the automated car screaming about the silence of flamingos and the merc chasing them down with a talking gun, Judy decides it’s got to be her. No one else takes on gigs this weird.

She seats herself at her counter and eats her lunch, mildly entertained at the live play-by-play of her girl’s job. Later, when V comes back, she does tease her about it, and V responds by playfully pinning her down to the couch. One thing leads to another and—

“Shit. How long have you been waiting to do that?” V blinks at her, naked under the thin, gray blanket on Judy’s bed.

Judy bites the bottom of her lip coyly. “I might have been inspired by our night at the cabin and been tinkering with the idea since then.” And maybe from a couple of BDs she’s been editing at work.

“Jesus,” V laughs, burying her face in Judy’s shoulder, and Judy smiles, curling one leg around V’s. “You know, it’s so strange. I’m usually a master at disastrous relationships—” She and Judy both. “—since with my last three boyfriends, they were either weird in bed, cheaters, or just left me for a hot skydiving instructor.” She glances over. “Never quite had something that worked out.”

“That’s cause you were with dudes,” Judy sighs. “Never send a man to do a lady’s work.” 

“I wouldn’t call you that after what you did fifteen minutes ago.”

“You weren’t complaining then.” Judy rolls onto V, who instantly grins, eyes growing half-lidded. “Let me show you what your boys should have been doing all along.”

They don’t leave the bed for another two hours. V falls asleep, looking very satisfied and exhausted, and Judy takes a moment to pride herself on the quality of her work as always.

She smiles affectionately at V, reaching over to run the back of her fingers down one cheek before slipping on some shorts and padding to her fridge.

V leaves her phone on the counter, and Judy glances at it, fighting back the curiosity building in her like the tide. She turns away to make herself a cup of tea when the phone pings with a message. Glancing back, she sees Panam’s texts light up on the screen, something about just checking in, and Judy recalls the woman offering to be called should things get worse with V. Judy doesn’t know if she needs it, but she copies the number just in case.

She returns to her room with her mug to see V still conked out on the bed, hair spilling messily across her face. Judy chuckles, brushing V’s hair back, and feeling something warm well up inside her chest at the sight of her. How she wishes she could just capture this moment and live it forever. 

Her coworkers at Lizzie’s start giving her side looks when Judy strolls in for work nowadays. Judy couldn’t care less, but she greets them cheerfully as she breezes past which makes them glance at each other even more.

When she finally takes her break and heads to the bar to grab something to drink, Rita and another girl whose name Judy doesn’t recall immediately surround her, one on each side.

Judy supposes this is how V feels when she’s getting shaken down. “Hey, guys. What’s happening?”

Rita leans in. “Spill. Who are you fucking that has you walking like you’re on sunshine?”

Judy raises an eyebrow, sips at her drink. “Who says I was?”

Rita snorts in disbelief, and the other girl takes over. “Judy, have you seen yourself? You’re glowing. You’re actually happy. Whoever you got in your bed, you should hold on and never let go. Hang onto them until you’re both old and wrinkly and still disgustingly affectionate.”

Judy’s smile slips off of her face. “Wish it were that simple.”

Rita jumps in. “Why? She not the commitment type?”

“I…” Judy doesn’t even know if V does think about that stuff. Everything is still so new to them, and V has other things on her mind. Literally. “Dunno. Haven’t asked.”

“Maybe you should.” The other girl signals for them to start returning to their post before giving Judy a once-over. “You don’t seem like the fling type yourself. Might break your heart if you find out she’s not as serious as you.”

Rita pats her on the shoulder as they start to walk away. “Just looking after you, Jude. You’re one of us after all.”

They walk off while Judy is left doubting that.

For the rest of the day, she wonders about how to bring up the topic of commitment when she decides to go straight for it the next time V is over. “What do you think of long-term relationships? You know, beyond the fucking around stage?”

“Like tying the knot?” V settles on Judy’s bed, lying down with a sigh. “My friend Pepe seems to have an awesome marriage. Well...if you don’t take into account his wife lying to him for ten years about the ripperdoc thing.”

What ripperdoc thing?

“Seriously, Jude. They seem pretty solid. Would be nice if that was us in a decade,” V mutters, looking like she’s falling asleep.

Judy considers the idea and nearly ends up laughing.

V cracks open an eye. “What? You don’t think I’m wife material? Screw you, Alvarez. And not in the way you like.”

Judy shakes her head. “Hey, no. I was just thinking that if we were going to get hitched—“ She grows serious. “—that I wouldn’t be against it.”

V’s eyebrows shoot up. “Didn’t think you were the matrimonial type.”

Judy reaches up to pull out a shirt before she sighs, “My grandparents were kind of old-fashioned. Thought that if you met someone you could see spending the rest of your life with, you should commit so you both know where you stand.” Judy rubs her nape and glances over. “Guess it must have rubbed off on me.”

“Spend the rest of my life with, huh? Why not? Not like there’s much of it left.” V closes her eyes before opening them again, clearly struggling to stay awake. She rolls onto her back and yawns, eyelids drooping. “S’not a bad idea. Mrs. Judy Alvarez has a nice ring to…”

She drifts off while Judy clutches the shirt in her hands, heartbeat in her ears. She quickly yanks it on, feeling heat flush down her face to her chest, and she knows she’ll be red for a while. Dammit, V. 

Now, she’s starting to get ideas. Sappy ones like wedding dresses and bells. Maybe a place near her grandparents. Maybe kids someday, though imagining V trying to watch a baby makes Judy laugh. She’d probably have the expression of someone being given a live grenade.

She doesn’t know if she’s always been so domestic, but it’s the mundane things that makes her happy with V. Waking up beside her, watching V’s eyes wrinkle at the sight of the coffee Judy makes for her, V kissing her goodbye before she leaves, hair still ruffled, eyes dreamy. It’s the everyday, ordinary moments that impress themselves on Judy’s heart. Because Judy knows there are only so many that she will get, that there’s a ticking clock on each and every second she has with V, and, dammit, she wants them all. She wants more.

Judy shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts. They still need to get out of Night City together first, then she can think about everything else.

V surprises her by being the one to revisit the topic when she wakes. “If we’re going to be serious, Mama Welles would like to meet you first.”

Judy eyes her. “Who’s Mama Welles? Should I bring some iron?”

V snorts. “No. She was Jackie’s mom. Took me in when we first got to Night City, and I didn’t know anyone. Should have seen her when she started grilling me about who I’m seeing. ‘Oh, V? You have a Hispanic woman? Finally, you get a real girl. Bring her over. We’ll have dinner. Does she cook? You need to settle down, V. You’ll kill yourself with the crap you eat.’ Bunch of Spanish gibberish.”

Judy smiles. “Sounds like she’s really looking out for you. Also, I’m going to have to start teaching you the language of us civilized folks.”

V let out a bunch of curses she learned from hanging around Jackie, and Judy lifts an eyebrow, impressed. “Good for the streets but not exactly dinner conversation material.” She chuckles and leans over to kiss V’s brow. “I’d love to meet her. Maybe before we get out of Night City together.”

Instantly, V’s eyes dart downwards, and she stiffens. She looks away. “Yeah, when we leave.”

She doesn’t say anything else before she goes.

Weeks pass, and Judy settles into a rhythm with V, sometimes accidentally interrupting her merc work, which is often bizarre when it’s not dangerous.

Once, Judy calls her in the middle of the day just to chat, noticing that V is in her car. “Hey, I miss you. You busy?”

V hesitates. “I’m kind of driving a man...with a grenade for a nose.”

Said man leans into the vid screen, looking like a gruff clown who’s fallen on hard times. “Who’s that? She’s pretty cute.”

V shoves him back. “Yeah, call you back later.” She hangs up while Judy stares at her phone, noting that it is one of the milder examples of V’s weird jobs.

Judy gets further into her tangle of emotions when it comes to V. The woman is often unpredictable, has a penchant for getting into weird situations, and often shows up at Judy’s place at the strangest hours. She’s also incredibly sweet, patient, pragmatic, and level-headed—all the traits that Judy doesn’t realize she needs in a partner until she has them. Other times, V could rival Judy for broodiness, sometimes staring out the window in Judy’s apartment into the expansive horizon of the city’s skyline, her upper lip curled and her expressions flickering so quickly that Judy doesn’t have time to identify them all. 

Judy prompts her one day about what she’s thinking, and V sighs, sitting back on the cushioned stool Judy uses to read a pile of nearby books when the weather’s nice. V stares up into the ceiling. “Sometimes, I just almost feel like I fit into this world, like I belong here. But then, I wake up, and there it is...Night City.” She exhales. “And I wonder where I’m supposed to be.”

“With me.” Judy strokes her back, gesture embarrassingly tender. “Isn’t that obvious?”

V shakes her head. “S’not what I meant.” She runs a hand through her hair. “Sometimes, I only feel like I belong when I’m not myself, when I’m…” Her eyes widen as a realization strikes her. “Fuck.”

V doesn’t say anymore after that, and Judy doesn’t know how to bring it up again when V brushes it off.

Still, her life starts to have a sense of rhythm, a level of comfortable steadiness that she’s never realized how badly she needed it before. With V by her side, Judy feels stable for the first time in a long while, enough to think about what happened to Tom, to Evelyn. To really process it.

One day, she finds herself standing in her room, bawling over a gift Evelyn gave her—a t-shirt of her favourite band. Something Judy mentioned once while sitting at the Moxes’ bar with Evelyn, and the next week, holding a stunning replica of the original shirt. Evelyn shrugged casually. A gift. A thank you, she said. For what, Judy doesn’t know, not from Evelyn’s cryptic smiles and the way she only told Judy just enough.

But Judy loved her all the same.

Judy staggers against the wall, bellowing like a beast in pain. The tears seem endless, the grief like a wave she’s drowning in. Like she’ll never stop drowning in.

V stumbles in from the living room, hair mussed from napping on the couch, expression alarmed. Judy turns into her when she nears, throwing herself into V, soaking the collar of her shirt as V wraps her arms around her. She gently lowers them both to the floor while Judy curls into her, crying so hard that she knows her make-up is ruined. 

V’s voice is low, kind. “What do you need?”

Judy answers by rearing up and smashing her mouth onto V’s, pulling on her shirt, latching onto her neck and jaw with her mouth, desperate to feel anything but the raw pain that aches like she’s underwater and she’s running out of air. She’s desperate to take and take and take.

And V seems to understand.

Later, when Judy comes to her senses, she finds them both crammed in her single bed, V looking at her with concerned eyes. There’s bruises and bite marks all along her neck and collarbone, deep scratch marks down her arms and back, and a serious swelling in her lips from some very rough kisses. Judy winces and withdraws, apologizing profusely—ashamed and horrified at what she’s done. She tries to pull away, but V catches her, pulls her closer. 

“Take as much as you need to heal, Judy. I’m here for you.” V kisses her forehead, and Judy wants to cry all over again, a flood of something fragile filling her chest. She leans into V’s warmth, her solid presence, and lays there until V has to go. 

“Stay.” Judy doesn’t quite beg but comes close to it, lying on her side as she watches V tug her clothes back on. “Please.”

V glances at her phone then back at Judy before heading out of the room. Judy squeezes her eyes close, lets out a painful sob, and when she opens them again, she spots V reentering with a wet towel in her hand. 

“Hey, let’s get you cleaned up and with something to eat.” V is extraordinarily gentle as she wipes away Judy’s ruined mascara, the warmth of the cloth soothing on her skin. “C’mon.” V lifts her into a sitting position, and Judy doesn’t object, merely burrows her face into the crook of V’s neck. “This too shall pass.” 

A few hours later, V does need to leave, but Judy has mostly recovered by then, even joking about how V’s appetite will bankrupt her when the merc cleans out her fridge again.

“I’ll pay you for it.” V rolls her eyes. “I don’t eat that much.” 

“Nah, it’s all right.” Judy looks at her hands on the counter. “It’s the least I can do for everything you do for me.”

“Seriously? I thought we were over this.” V leans in, and Judy’s breath catches at the proximity. “You don’t owe me anything. I do things for you, because I want to, okay?” She kisses her, and Judy can only nod when V pulls away. “Good. See you in a bit.” 

V shows herself out while Judy stares into her coffee cup as if it’ll have all the answers to what she’s feeling for the wonderful idiot that’s hers.

Then one evening, Judy comes back to see V sitting at the counter, her brows furrowed. “What’s up?”

V exhales. “Just thinking about whether God exists and if constructs are souls. And what it meant if I died and came back from the dead.”

O…kay. “You all right there?”

“Had a gig today that was...strange.” V rubs her head. “A prisoner condemned to death asked me to be with him on his last day before he allowed himself to be crucified for a BD on live TV.” 

Well, fuck. 

Judy quickly sidles up to her, wrapping an arm around V’s shoulders. “That must have been heavy.” 

V closes her eyes. “You could say that. Jude, I prayed with him, because he was scared though he knew he would die. I watched a stagehand crucify him. He screamed when they nailed the bolts into his hands and feet. A guy on my left prayed and cried when they raised him. Johnny even bowed his head in respect.” She rustles her hair, restless, agitated. “And the studio made a fuckton off of his death. I even got paid extra, though I wanted no part in it.” 

Judy nods grimly. “Those kinds of BD are in high demand. Some real sick bastards that pay top enny for them.” She notices the screwed-up expression on V’s face as if she’s about to cry. “This is really bothering you.” She moves closer, pressing her forehead to V’s. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

V takes a deep breath, steadying herself as if being around Judy calms her down as much as being around V does the same for Judy. “He really believed in what he was doing. Scared as shit too. Asked me all sorts of questions. Ask me if I, as a hired killer, have even known love? Real, sacrificial, unconditional love?” She meets Judy’s gaze. “And I didn’t know.”

Oh. Judy inhales sharply. “He’s probably just scared and babbling.”

“Absolutely terrified, but I still couldn’t answer him. I even prayed with him...the Lord’s Prayer, and—”

Judy’s eyebrows lift. “You know the New Testament?”

“I didn’t live under a rock. Why is everyone surprised?” V pulls away, rubbing her temples. “I just…this mission made me think. Really think about life and death and what I’m fighting for. This man who allowed himself to be crucified...he really believed that he was the Messiah, and with his death, the world would change for the better.”

Judy frowns. “I don’t see how permanently sealing your death on a BD would do that.”

“I don’t either. Guy needed psychiatric care, not a televised audience. Still, he got me thinking. He killed innocent people in an armed robbery years ago and has been in prison for the last 12 years. The families of those he killed are shattered, broken, willing to give up their life savings just for a chance to murder him themselves. Others have forgiven him and made him a brother; more still never forgive him. Understandably so. My question is—” V lifts her eyes. “—does such a person deserve anything less than death? The worst death?”

“I...I don’t know.” 

V shakes her head. “You have an answer—one that’s instinctive. I know you. Does someone like that warrant anything less than death?”

Judy says quietly, “No.”

V looks out the window, looking older in the setting light as if the lines in her faces are harsher, sharper. “I’m not surprised you feel that way. In that same vein, I have gunned down people for ennies, stolen people’s livelihoods, slaughtered countless scavs in my drive to complete my quests. I’ve killed even more people than he did. Do I deserve less than death? The worst death?”

Oh, fuck. 

“That’s not what I mean—”

“But it is your reasoning, and I wouldn’t fault you for it.” V stares down at her hands. “Maybe some people can’t be saved.” 

“You are not one of them okay?” Judy shakes her head. “You’re just tired. Get some sleep.” 

V sighs—a bone-deep sound. “Sure.” She stands and runs her fingers through her hair. “Maybe I can find one of those coin-operated machines that absolve my sins for six ennies.” She tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. 

And Judy starts to worry.

She tries to revisit the topic later once V has some sleep, but the merc deflects, asking if Judy has a religion she believed in. 

Judy raises an eyebrow. No one here has ever asked her that, but, then again, it is Night City. “Born and raised Catholic. Non-practicing.” She shrugs. “Already learned by age six that I was going to burn in Hell, so I figured I might as well have fun while I’m here.” 

“Guess I’ll see you there.” V raises her glass in a toast. “Will clear a path for you when I go first.”

Judy frowns. “Don’t say that.” 

V snorts. “Well, I’m definitely not going to Heaven in my line of work.” 

“No, I mean—” Judy’s not going to argue that point. “—about going first.” She reaches across the counter to cup V’s cheek, warm underneath her palm. “You still have time to find a solution to the biochip, right?”

“Think so.” V exhales. “I’m supposed to meet someone tomorrow to talk about some leads.”

“Want me to call you after a few hours to make sure…”

V shakes her head. “This guy is stupidly honourable. Probably wouldn’t do anything without a warning written in haiku first.” She flashes her teeth. “I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry about it.”

Then, V disappears for a week. 

Then, two. 

Judy nearly goes out of her mind, wondering if she did something to push V away, if she has to lie low. Or worse like V’s been killed. Judy should have never let her leave the apartment with that reckless overconfidence of hers. Fuck, what if she’s dead? Judy doesn’t know what’d she do if she ever finds out that V’s gone. 

She calls Vik, the ripperdoc V introduces her to once, and gets through to Misty. Neither of them have seen V for a while, and they look justifiably worried. Her coworkers give her a wide berth as Judy snarls and snaps at them, ignoring their gossip about the disaster in the Japantown parade, checking her phone nearly every minute in case V sent something. It gets so bad that Suzie sends her home for scaring the other women, and being stuck in her apartment is worse as Judy’s thoughts race along worst-case scenarios without work to distract her: What if V’s being tortured? What if she’s already dead? What if scavs are picking apart her body while she’s still alive, pulling out her cybernetics? What if the Death’s Head caught her, and she ended up like Evelyn?

She nearly jumps out of her skin one night when she does hear V at the door, Judy’s heartbeat races into her throat. She darts to the door, flooded with relief when V slinks in. “Where the fuck have you been?”

V doesn’t return the smile. Her stance is off, a mean smirk on her face, and Judy slows. There’s a swagger to her shoulders that’s not usually there, a condescending, mocking tilt of her head. Her eyes glance over Judy’s body in the way she has seen customers look over the girls at Moxes—greedy, objectifying. 

This is not V.

“Hello, Judy.” Her voice comes out rougher, gruffer. The cadence of her words sounds wrong like a piano piece played off-rhythm. “Mind if I crash here?”

“Who the fuck are you?” Judy growls, bristling before a thought comes into her head. “Are you the construct she talks about? Johnny?”

Johnny pushes past her. “Yep. Your girl is a fucking moron, by the way. And—“ He inhales. “—she’s getting worse.”

Judy follows and watches him plops down onto her couch, reaching for Evelyn’s cigarette case that V always carries around. “Why do you care? Isn’t it better for you? V hates you. Didn’t seem like you were that fond of her either.” She grabs the first aid kit from her washroom just in case Johnny did some stupid shit to V’s body. 

“I know,” he says quietly. “Well, it was mutual at first. Not sure anymore.” Johnny shrugs. “And she’s not all bad. Let me make out with a couple of chicks while I was in her body.”

Judy drops the kit. “She what?”

“Focus. V is dying.” Johnny lights up the cigarette and inhales the smoke deeply. “Like real fast. Not sure how to help her other than storming Arasaka tower.”

“Right. Cause that went so well the first time.” Judy crosses her arms. “I don’t…” Her face crumbles. “What can I do?” 

Johnny snorts. “Fuck if I know. If I had a clue, I’d tell you.” He pauses when he sees her glare. “What?”

“This is a non-smoking residence.” 

“Seriously?” He glances up before sighing and putting out his cigarette. “I’m only doing this, because you look really close to losing your shit.”

Judy wants him the fuck out of V’s body. Everything about him in there makes Judy’s skin feel like it’s pulling away from her bones. 

She loves looking into V’s eyes—brillant, iridescent. A kaleidoscope of colours caught in a sandstorm like the sun peeking over the golden sands of a desert. The flickering bite of a snapping fire, the reddish-golden colour of an eternal storm. She would never describe them in so many words in person, but Judy could spend all day admiring them and it still wouldn’t be enough time. 

Johnny’s gaze is cold—mean like dark stars, heartless like the ruptured core of a dead planet. How can she be so revolted when they’re the same eyes?

Judy looks into them, seeing Johnny’s hard stare back. “How I hate seeing you in her.” Her lips thin. “Tell me what I gotta do to get V back.”

Johnny shrugs and pulls a pill bottle out of V’s jacket. He takes one out before tossing them to Judy. “Make her take one of these whenever I’m inside her. She has another bottle that allows me to take over, but they seem to fuck her up real bad.” He leans forward, looking serious. “She’s hurting a lot more than she’s letting you see. Keep an eye on her.”

Judy narrows her eyes. “Why do you care?”

“Contrary to popular opinion, I’m not a total asswipe.” Johnny pops the pill in his hand. “Nice chatting with ya.” He exhales, sinking into the couch and going into a deep sleep. His head slumps onto one shoulder, and in a few moments, the shoulders relax, the frown smooths out and it’s just her exhausted girl passed out on her couch.

Judy hisses between her teeth, counting to ten slowly. She doesn’t know if she’s madder at Johnny or at V for letting him take control. She doesn’t know if she’s furious because this whole situation is fucked up, and there’s nothing she can do other than sit uselessly on her hands. She feels like she’s sitting in a movie theatre, watching V stumble forward on the screen like a heroine towards a tragedy that can’t be changed.

Fuck. 

That’s enough thinking for tonight.

She checks over V, looking for injuries and finding a cute heart tattoo on V’s forearm that simply says, “Johnny + V”. V’s going to be absolutely pissed at that.

Sighing when she finds nothing else, she puts away the first aid kit and sits on her coffee table, watching V slumber, looking like she already had one foot in the grave.

V wakes up half a day later, holding her head like she has the worst hangover in the world. “Jude? How did I get here?”

Judy crosses her arms, sitting down on the other end of the couch. “You tell me. What’s the last thing you remember? Was it sucking the face of some other woman?”

V’s brows furrow. “What?” She rubs her head. “Oh, fuck. Johnny. I’ve spoken to him about that, but he still...forgets. Sorry. Will have to have another talk with him.”

She winces, and Judy feels herself relenting. She sighs, “What else do you recall?”

V groans, “Japantown. Takamura. That crappy inn Johnny hid us in. Pacifica. Rogue.” She grimaces, exhaling and slowly pushing herself up into a sitting position. When she catches a glimpse of her forearm, she swears. “Fucking Johnny.” 

Judy’s expression doesn’t change for a few seconds before she softens and gets up. “I’ll get you some water.” 

V downs it gratefully, still rubbing at the bridge of her nose. “Thanks. Sorry for whatever he did when he was piloting my body.”

“Other than being an asshole, he was fine.”

“Okay, just being himself then.” V inhales. When she notices Judy’s expression, she cringes. “How long was I gone?”

“Two weeks.”

V winces. “Shit, sorry. Didn’t have full control over myself. I would have sent you a text otherwise.”

Judy scowls for a few moments more before she drops her head, crumbling. “Fuck, V. I thought you were dead. Again. And this time, it mattered.”

V moves in, wrapping her arm around Judy’s shoulders. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” 

Judy grips her hair. “If you get yourself killed, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Dig me up and kill me twice? I’ve heard that before.” V rubs her nape. “Hey, I’m here. Alive.”

For now. 

Judy sits up, closing her eyes and steadying herself with her breaths. “Okay, let’s start from the beginning. What happened? Does it have anything to do with the trouble in Japantown?” 

V runs her hand through her hair. “What did you hear?”

“Corps got involved. Civilians got shot.”

V sighs, “Yeah...that was kind of my fault.”

“I had a feeling as much when I heard about it.” A strange sense of pride fills her, jarring for the situation.

V rubs her face. “I just wanted to talk to Hanako Arasaka. Things got messy.”

Judy shakes her head. “What did you expect getting corps involved?”

“Fuck, I don’t know.” V exhales, staring at the ceiling. “This whole thing is just one tangled mess, like someone made a huge code and then forgot to check it for bugs. I’ve got people constantly calling me for stuff, and Panam tells me not to worry because she’s working on a plan to help me.”

Judy raises an eyebrow. “Is that bad?”

“Remember when half the power to Night City went out due to an EMP overload?”

The other eyebrow joins it. “That was you guys?”

“Yeah,” V sighs. “So, whatever this plan is, it’s going to be big. And explosive.”

“Seems to be your style.” Judy glances down, reaching to squeeze V’s knee. “If anything happens to you or if you decide to do something you might not come back from, can you call me first?”

V leans in to kiss her. “Promise.” 

Somehow, it’s not as reassuring as Judy thinks it should be.

Even more worrying is how V slowly stops coming over, slipping out of her life like seconds ticking away in a minute. The conversations they have when V is over are often stilted, one-sided with V ending up hunched at the window as if looking for something she’ll never find. 

“What are you searching for out there?” Judy asks one night, reaching out to brush V’s hair out of her face. V doesn’t react to the touch.

V’s shoulders slump. “Sometimes, I think I might die here in this rotting carcass of a city. Buried in an unmarked grave like Johnny. No one to know my name or remember me. I’ll be forgotten. I’ll never leave.”

“Hey, it’s my job to be dark and broody.” Judy leans in, hugging V from behind. “It’s going to be fine. We’ll get out together. I’ll take you with me.” 

“Yeah.” V keeps her gaze ahead. “In a cold box.” She sighs and turns. “Sorry. Just tired. Sick of it all.”

“Sick of what?”

V doesn’t answer.

After that, it feels like V is avoiding her. Judy has an idea why with the way V turns away in their calls, wiping at her nose, her eyes, splotches of red along her fingertips. Her stomach lurches, and she fights with herself about whether to ask or wait for V to bring it up herself. Judy knows better than most what it’s like to be asked to share before you’re ready, but, still, she finds herself smoking more than she wants to calm her nerves, pacing, eyes wandering during work when she usually shines.

It gets so bad that when Roxanne calls her on her break to catch up, Judy stares at the wall during the entire conversation, chewing on her lip, wondering where V is.

“Judy! You haven’t heard a word I said.” Roxanne gives her a disappointed look as Judy snaps back to reality.

“Sorry. Got a lot on my mind.” She runs a hand through her hair. “How’s your new workplace?”

“About the same as Clouds.” Roxanne studies her. “Had a lovers’ spat?”

Judy wishes. At least she would know then what the issue is.

Roxanne nods as if making up her mind. “You need to relax, girl. Tonight, we take you out for a girls’ night. Blow some steam off. Get a few drinks in you.”

Judy checks if V sent her anything only to find an empty inbox. “I could use more than a few right now.”

Roxanne shows up at Lizzie’s with a few of her fellow dolls and guides Judy to the bar under Mateo’s watchful eye. A few other coworkers spot the party and join in, and soon, Judy is at the centre of a crowd she never wanted.

Judy slams back shot after shot of tequila while the girls cheer her on. Mateo looks close to cutting her off when Roxanne grabs her arm, grinning as Judy nearly topples off of her stool. “Ooh, you should call your output! She looks like she’d be a blast at parties.”

Gosh, Judy misses V. “That’s a great idea,” she slurs, scrambling to pluck her phone from her pants. “She needs to have fun.”

The next morning when she wakes up on her bed with a massive hangover, she has a vague recollection of how that conversation went. That and a lot of embarrassing stills that she should not have sent V. At least V had answered, but Judy would have rather she not liked every single still Judy sent. Where were her shoes in this one? Why was her head in the toilet?

Judy groans, sending V an apology text: “Sorry, mi calabacita. I was not in my right mind.” 

V quickly sends a response. Something about being in a fight in Arroyo, and Judy’s eyes snap open. She quickly replies, and when V doesn’t say anything, she calls. Multiple times.

Half an hour later, V sends her a picture of a new sniper rifle, saying she’s fine. She won, which is good ‘cause Judy really likes V’s face and it’d be a shame if it got messed up. 

“Protect your pretty face,” Judy murmurs, exchanging a quick flurry of texts before dropping the phone on the nearby nightstand and going back to sleep.

She and V keep in contact over the next week or so, having short conversations or text exchanges, but even in their calls, V doesn’t quite look at Judy, doesn’t smile the same way she used to. 

It culminates in a night where Judy sends a text, asking V to come over, and falls asleep waiting for her. She wakes when V tries to climb into bed, and V finally comes clean about what’s eating her. 

She’s running out of time. 

V has always been V—stubborn, reckless, incredibly intimidating, but she is also resourceful, tenacious beyond belief, charismatic with the way she seems to get others to trust her. Judy reassures her that someone will help her, because it’s V. V has given too much to others to not have something waiting for her to receive in turn. 

Judy falls asleep before she can articulate her last point. When she wakes, V is gone again like someone who was never there.

The stretches of silence between them grow worse with V’s responses being terse, non-committal. Judy tries to give her some space, but that seems to make the responses longer in coming back.

The last time Judy sees her before she disappears from Night City is a couple of weeks after V comes over at night.

V hangs in the doorway to Judy’s apartment, looking drained as if she might never wake up should she fall asleep. There’s a hauntedness to her eyes that reminds Judy of darkened alleys and empty houses along the outskirts of Night City. “Can I come in?” V asks quietly.

“You have the biometric key. Why are you even asking?” Judy grabs her arms, pulls her in, and V follows, head almost lolling, nearly stumbling over her feet. “Fuck. Just lie down.”

V nods and collapses on Judy’s couch like the first time she nearly passed out in front of her. She closes her eyes briefly, and when she opens them again, it’s that ugly, hard stare that Judy hates. 

“She’s going fast,” Johnny intones. “Say goodbye.”

“Fuck you, Johnny. Get out of her body. Get out—”

“I’m giving you a chance to say what’s on your mind before V does something irrevocably stupid like talking with Hanako Arasaka. Always has to play the hero, doesn’t she?” He tries to sneer, but even Johnny can’t hide how his voice trembles. “I’ll go, but you should really say something. You’ve earned that much.”

His eyes close, and the tension seeps away from V’s body, leaving only her exhausted girl. 

V slumbers, the only time she looks at peace nowadays, with deep circles under her eyes, hair scattered haphazardly across the pillow. There’s a smear of blood coming from her nostrils, the corner of her eyes, and Judy swears, grabbing something to wipe it off with her shaky hands. 

Judy kneels, pulling herself closer to V and burying her face in V’s hair, memorizing how she feels in Judy’s arms, her scent. The ache in Judy’s chest worsens, Johnny’s words like fear threading its way into her heart as nausea rises. V doesn’t notice, doesn’t stir, silent as the grave. “You are not leaving me behind. You are not going anywhere. We’re going to figure this out together. We’re in this to the end. But you’re changing, V. For the worst. I’m starting to feel like I don’t know who you are anymore.” 

She presses a shaky kiss to V’s temple, and, still, V does not respond. “Te amo.” Her voice cracks. “Te extraño. Come back to me.” 

V is gone again when Judy wakes up on the couch alone the next day.

Judy calls V restlessly, taking the day off much to Suzie’s curses. She paces around her apartment, checking so frequently to see if V has messaged her that her phone dies twice. It’s only when she manages to calm herself down, convince her that she’s overthinking things, and get to work on the underwater BD that absorbs her that her shoulders relax, her mind begins to focus.

Maybe Johnny is just being dramatic. Maybe V is fine.

V calls her close to midnight, looking like she’s on her last leg, a smear of blood on the corner of her lips. 

She is not fine.

“Hey Judy.” V’s words are slow, pained, as if each breath saps life from her. “I promised you I’d call, didn’t I? Remember what you said about what you saw in me when we went diving? Death? Well, it’s high time I faced it.”

Judy freezes, processing her words as V goes on. “It’s my life, and it’s now or never.” V looks at her, really looks. “I’m not going to live forever. Fuck, I wasn’t even going to make it until tomorrow, but, thanks to Vik, I have one more moment. I just want to live while I have it, to say I went it my way.” 

“V.” Judy’s voice cracks, breaks like glass against steel. “Fuck, are you for real right now?”

V’s breath rattles. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I realize that there’s no joy without hardship, no pleasure without pain.” Her eyes meet Judy. “No life without death. I think...I was here to love and be loved and to grow.

“It feels like the more lessons I learn, the harder life gets, and, fuck, does it hit hard,” she chuckles before growing serious. “But I’ve been thinking about the end. It’s close by but not here yet, and I feel like if I couldn’t control when I choose to go out, I can at least pick how. And god, how I wish I could have spent it with you.” She coughs, blood splattering on the corner of her mouth. “But life doesn’t even give me that.”

“You’re not dying.” The words are out of Judy’s mouth before she can think about them. “You’ve never backed down even when you should have. You’ve never quit before, so don’t you give me this bullshit now. You do whatever you need to do, and you come back to me in one piece, understand?”

V just looks at her, a slow, sad smile across her face. She shakes her head. “Judy.” Her breath rattles. “You’re still young. You’ll find someone else.”

Alarms go off in Judy’s head. She squeezes her fist tight enough to feel the sting in her palm. “No. You come back to me, so I can kick your ass for even considering giving up. You hear me? Fix your problem then return. You are not a quitter, V. Not since I’ve known you.”

V goes quiet for a long time. “It’s my fault, y’know. This whole thing. Should have talked Jackie out of taking the heist. Should have seen the signs about Dex. Maybe we’d all be okay if I had.”

“How is that remotely true?” Judy cries. “You’ve seen what happened to Evelyn! To Tom! To Roxanne! Was any of that my fault?”

V stares at her, lids drooping, before she slowly shakes her head.

“So, how was any of that fuck-up yours?” Her voice drops almost to a whisper. “V, please. We’ve both lost people to situations we couldn’t control, to chance fucking us both over. Blame Johnny, blame the fucking chip. Just don’t blame yourself. You did what you could. You always do.”

V chuckles, eyes closing. “Sounds familiar. Heard it once before.” She leans back in her chair, silent for a long moment. “I know you’re upset. But you’ll grow older, wiser. You’ll fall in love again though never the same way. You’ll have a family together, a home like you always wanted. You’ll get old. Night City will just be a bad dream behind you, and maybe even I will be just a distant memory by then. You have your whole life ahead of you.” She shakes her head. “But I don’t.”

“Then, fucking fight for it.” Judy’s spitting into the phone, hissing. “You’ve never been a coward, V. Don’t start now. You have friends who care for you. Call them! Call anyone. Just...don’t give up. Please.”

V looks at her with the saddest smile she has ever seen. “Have a nice life, Judy.”

“No!” Judy bangs her fist against the wall, pain tingling up her arm like an aftershock. “V, you’re always acting like a self-sacrificing idiot, and I love you for it. But this time, just be selfish for once! Do what you want! Do what you need to do.” Judy leans over, pressing her forehead to the cool wood. Closes her eyes. “Just come back.”

“...I’ll think about it.” She hangs up without waiting for a goodbye.

Judy calls her back repeatedly, but V doesn’t pick up. Someone else could reach her. Someone had to.

She wildly scrolls through her phone list until she hits the number she copied a while ago, slamming the call button the second she spots it. A handful of rings later, and Panam picks up, looking tired, confused.

“Who is this?” Panam yawns. She squints at the screen. “Aren’t you V’s output? Uh...Judy? Wha—“

“V’s gone!” Judy blurts. “She’s going to—“

“Do something heroically stupid?” Panam’s instantly awake, reaching for a rifle by her side. “Fucking V. Couldn’t wait to do this shit during the day.” She grabs what looks like a pair of pants from a nearby crate. “Tell me where you last saw her heading, and I’ll put two-and-two together.” A pause. “Wait, V’s calling. Fucking shit, I am going to give her a piece of my mind.”

Panam hangs up, and Judy’s left with a blank screen. Neither she nor V pick up, despite Judy’s repeated calls and texts. Horror blooms in Judy’s stomach like a parasite, and she stumbles out of the room towards the window, feeling like vomiting and crying in turns. V is the strongest person she knows. She would never...not like Evelyn. God, please no. Not like her all over again.

When she manages to crack open the window and get some air in, Misty calls, and Judy smashes the answer button on her phone. “Where is she?”

“She left with her friend Panam,” Misty replies, her voice soothing, strong. “She asked me to check up on you.”

“Oh, thank fuck,” Judy exhales roughly. “I thought she was going to do something stupid like…”

Misty looks at her, knowing. “Take the simple way out?”

“Yes! No! I don’t—I just don’t want another—“ Judy’s memories flick back to that stained bathtub, smeared in lurid shades of red with Evelyn’s head slumped against the rim like she’s sleeping. “—I couldn’t take it. I don’t know what I’d—” Probably follow right after V and Evelyn. 

Misty hums, a low soothing sound. “Before V went, I drew some cards for her to predict her fortune. Can I draw some for you to help you focus?”

Judy inhales and exhales raggedly before her breathing settles somewhat. “Why not?” She stumbles against the stool in the corner, collapsing into it. “What could it possibly hurt right now?”

Misty nods. She takes the deck from beside her, drawing two cards and letting out a quiet “Ah.”

“What? What is it?”

“Your future card.” She shows Judy an image of a woman wrapped in a purple cloth, dancing inside a wreath. “The World. The cycle is almost complete. The loop must close. Whatever you are working on will come to an end, and you will be in the right place, doing what you are meant to do. You may even go travelling soon.” She looks up and meets Judy’s eyes. “But you need to let go of whatever’s holding you back, which brings us to this first.” 

She puts down the next card—a skeletal man dressed in black armour riding a white horse. “Death scares most people, but it is misunderstood. What it represents is significant change—the end of one phase of your life that’s no longer serving you. One door must close to open another. The past must be put behind you. If you try to resist, you will experience emotional and physical change. This is a time of cleansing, of transformation. This card can be a sign that you feel as if you are caught in the path of sweeping change and cannot escape its impact.” 

Judy barks out unhappy laughter. “That’s an understatement.” 

“But it can also mean that you need to learn to let go of unhealthy attachments in your life, so you can carve your way to one of deeper meaning and significance. Whatever you want to accomplish, you need to release whatever you’re still holding onto.” Misty reshuffles the deck.

Judy stares before clearing her voice. “What? That’s fucking it?”

Misty shrugs. “What were you expecting?”

“I dunno. Some sort of solution to what’s happening with V or something. Something I can do—”

“Judy, that’s the problem. You need to let go of what you can’t control. You need to have faith in the Divine that whatever will happen is meant to happen and to understand that you can affect it as little as a twig stems a flood.”

“What? I’m supposed to give up?” Judy bites her lip hard. “Admit I’m useless? Helpless?”

“If that’s true, then, yes. Being in touch with spirituality means being able to admit that we are not all-powerful, that we need something bigger to help us. That we can guide our journeys, but we don’t have to be alone in it. If you believe or have believed in a higher power, I suggest you pray to it and release everything to it.”

“Seriously? What good is that going to do?”

Misty says quietly, “Sometimes, that’s all we can do. The scariest thing to do is practicing faith and stepping out when we can’t even see the ground.”

“So, what? I should sit back and mumble to a God who never listens?”

Misty looks at her. “What else can you do?”

She hangs up, and Judy’s left alone once again.

Hunching over, Judy stares out into the dark expanse of Night City, thinking about everything that’s led her to this point from Evelyn’s urgent promises to V’s sad goodbye. She thinks about her work with the Moxes, the crush on Maiko, the juvenile sentence, the group home, the way everyone was shovelled out from her hometown, her grandparents raising her as best as they could, the way she would touch her mother’s picture frame when she was little as if hoping to understand a stranger. Where did it all lead to? What is she meant to learn?

Judy stopped praying long after her hometown had been flooded and the church forgotten along with the rest of Laguna Bend. She mulls over if it’s a coincidence that the moment she started again was when V had the seizure underwater in the place where Judy had shouted aloud years ago, wondering if God could hear her guilt.

She doesn’t recall exactly what she said as she was hauling V’s body out of the water, swimming to the surface at record speed. But one thing stood out clearly then as it still does now.

There’ll never be another like V.

And Judy will do anything she can to save her.

After a long moment, she drags herself upright, crossing the apartment to her bedroom. She kneels and pulls out a small box her grandparents left behind when they headed for Oregon. Laying it on her bed, Judy pushes aside the pictures of her grandparents and her, a shot of an unknown man she assumes is her father, countless trinkets, and a letter from her mother that Judy hasn’t opened yet.

At the bottom lies a golden rosary, given to her by her grandmother—a family heirloom. She doesn’t remember the last time she held this. The memories are faint, the intended motions vaguely recalled like something seen in the distance.

She drops to her knees, the cold beads of the golden rosary clasped between her hands. She’s supposed to make the sign of the cross and go into the Apostles’ Creed, but she doesn’t remember all the words to it nor the next steps. She dives deep into her memory, recalling the padre’s voice resonating in the church on a lazy Sunday morning when Judy is little, already questioning the Word and her role in the world. 

Clearing her throat, she bows her head. “Padre nuestro, que estás en el cielo. Santificado sea tu nombre. Venga tu reino. Hágase tu voluntad en la tierra como en el cielo. Danos hoy nuestro pan de cada día. Perdona nuestras ofensas, como también nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden. No nos dejes caer en tentación y líbranos del mal.” She goes silent, heat burning beneath her eyelids. “Amén.”

She looks up into the ceiling and wonders what she should say to Him—what she can say to someone so silent in her life. “I don’t know if you exist. I don’t know if you’re really there. It never seemed like it when the corps came in or when I got arrested for something I didn’t do. Where were you when I needed you? Where are you now? I have a fuckton of things to say to you about what you’ve been doing in my life, but this isn’t the time. If you’re up there and you still care even a little...please watch V. Please bring her back to me. Please…” Judy lowers her head, face twisting as tears track down her cheeks. “Whatever you meant for her, please let it be painless. Please guide her to where you meant her to be. And please let me know what happens to her.”

No one answers her, and Judy doesn’t expect to hear anything. She crawls into bed, exhausted, weeping over everything that’s happened to her, the loss of everything good in her life from her home to her family to Evelyn, Tom. V. She sobs, an endless well of misery, of grief rising up until she feels like she’s drowning, and she lets go, falling into the painful memories, the feelings like she’s being abandoned like the worthless thing she is. How everyone she loves leaves her in the end.

Judy falls asleep, crying, and when she wakes in the morning, she feels strangely sober, clear-headed. Hurting but relieved at the same time, an odd calmness and grace that seems to trickle in the gaps in her heart, and she decides to do the hardest thing she has ever done in her life.

She waits and places her faith in God that V will make it out all right.

Two days later after ages of silence, she gets a single message from V: “I’m okay.”

Judy exhales, feeling like all the bones in her body turned liquid, slumping against her kitchen counter as a strange wave of relief fills her, and she wipes at her face, realizing she’s crying from happiness. She’s never had that before.

V sends another response, saying she’ll call her soon.

So, Judy waits. 

And waits.

And waits.

Her phone rings, and Judy dives for it, snatching it off the couch. The exhausted face of her half-dead girl pops up. “Hey, Judy.”

“Where are you? What happened?” Something swells up in Judy’s chest like a rising tide, so much that she’s crying and she doesn’t care. “Are you okay?”

V coughs. “Better, I guess. I’m with Panam’s clan right now, recovering.” She shows Judy the roof of what looks like a tent.

“Did you solve the biochip thing?” An exhale, her voice going tiny. “Are you coming back to me?”

“Afraid not for both counts.” V closes her eyes while Judy’s stomach drops. She feels sick. “I bought time. Six months to figure out a solution before I...Judy, I’m not coming back to Night City. I’m leaving with the Aldecaldos in a few days. Panam thinks she has a lead in the Free States that might help.” Her throat works, and she looks scared. “I...want you to come with me. I know you have things here but—“

“Yes,” Judy answers quietly.

“—I really want you by my—what.” V blinks. “You didn’t even think about it.”

Judy shakes her head, gripping her phone so tightly that her knuckles turn white. “What’s there to consider? Be by your side or without you in this hellhole? You are not getting rid of me that easily.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” V murmurs, looking at her like Judy set the moon and stars in the sky, and Judy aches to be near here, to help her recover. “I’ll get someone to pick you up when we’re about to move.” She pauses, still gazing at her in awe with something softer, touched, in her expression. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Fuck, V. I wanted to leave before you did. Seriously think I’m going to back out now?” Judy runs a hand through her hair. “I’m with you to the end. I told you already.”

Despite the clear exhaustion in her face, the bags under her eyes, a slow smile spreads across V’s face. “You might have mentioned it once or twice. Thanks...for choosing to be beside me.”

“You gonk.” Judy realizes as she looks at V’s face, memorizing the lines of her jaw, the shape of her eyes. “What idiot would say no?”

Judy texts Roxanne, tells her she’s finally leaving, and the doll cheers her on. Responds that she’s always been better than Night City.

Leaving the Moxes is not quite as easy. 

Judy packs surprisingly less than she thinks she needs, planning to take her stuff to work and to leave from there.

She glances over to the golden rosary sitting on her nightstand where she left it that night V tried to say goodbye. Silently, she takes it and tucks it under the clothes in her suitcase before zipping everything up. 

When she shows up at work with everything on hand, the girls titter and raise their eyebrows at her, asking if her output kicked her out of the apartment. Judy ignores them and continues into Suzie’s office where she speaks with her boss.

Suzie laughs when Judy hands in her resignation, as she has tried to do in the past multiple times. When her boss realizes she’s serious this time, her eyes narrow and she scoffs, crossing her arms. “You’ll be back here in hours, begging to come back when your output’s gone without you. I’ve seen it happen to the girls all the time. Your spot will be here when you return.” 

Judy lifts an eyebrow. “Love you too, Suze.”

Suze lets out a noise of disgust before gesturing for her to leave. Judy makes her way down the stairs with her bags, the memories she wants to keep. She goes around saying goodbye, and the rumours already explode through the club before she can even arrive on the scene.

The girls in the dressing room smirk at her as she passes through. One calls out to her, head tilting bleached blond curls to the side. “How long do you think it’ll be before you come back with your tails between your legs? I’d say nightfall, but I’m optimistic. C’mon, Jude. Tell me. We got a bet running, and I need the info.”

Another brushes back her blue hair out of her eyes. “Get real, Judy. How many times have you tried to leave? All that talk with Evelyn and now your new output? All of us already tried. We all came back.” She lowers her voice. “We just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Judy’s throat seizes, doubt creeping in, wondering if V will be gone by the time she arrives, will have left her like everyone else in her life—

Her phone rings, and Judy answers to hear that someone named Carol is waiting for her out front. She exhales, closing her eyes, before she turns to the girls behind her. “Good luck with your pot.” 

She heads out of Lizzie’s where the bouncers wait. Rita gives her a nod of acknowledgment, and Judy returns it before she steps out into the sunlight without a second glance. 

An inconspicuous, rattling van greets her as she steps off of the curb. Carol is a gruff older woman with a bit of roundness to her, and quite a few scars along her skin that reminds Judy of V. Judy relaxes, despite herself. “C’mon, hop in if you want to see your girl before we take off.”

Judy doesn’t need to hear another thing.

Turns out she and Carol have quite a few things in common, being both tech-oriented. They compare stories of the worst rigs they’ve had to work on as Carol drives them onto the site, Judy’s leg bouncing the whole time.

“Relax. You want her to see your smile first if she shows, right?” Carol chides her as they lean against the truck, golden sunlight in their eyes.

“Yeah.” Judy exhales, flutters raging in her stomach. “I just—“

V rounds the corner, dusty-looking, a little brighter than Judy remembers. Whole. Grinning. Judy feels like she’s in Suzie’s basement all over again, laying her eyes for the first time on V. “You made it! You came!”

Judy hears how V’s breath catches, how Carol excuses her with a glance between the two of them. “Yeah. Think I made my mind before you did that I was going.” Still, she can’t stop the goofy grin that spreads across her face when V runs up to her and lifts her, twirling her around. “Stop acting like a gonk and let me down.”

V gently sets her on the ground, but Judy still feels like the world is spinning when she looks at her. “What’s up? Seems like you have something on your mind.”

Judy glances at the ground before turning around to look at Night City. “I just...I’ve talked about leaving Night City for so long that when it comes to it, it almost feels like a dream. Like...I’m running away.”

V loops an arm over her shoulders, and Judy melts into her. “Kind of get what you mean. I thought Night City would be where I’d find my place after the Bakkers were gone. Where I’d find a home, somewhere I’d fit in after spending ages searching.”

Judy looks at her. “Practically read my mind.”

V nods. “I know what you mean by running away. What I realized, Judy, is that sometimes you need to let go of things and dreams that won’t work anymore, don’t serve you any longer. Shove out the bad and make room for the good.” She makes a pinching motion with her thumb and forefinger. “Gotta close the loop as they say.”

Judy laughs. “Yeah, seems to be a theme in my life lately.” 

V turns her around, so they’re facing each other. “You’ll see. We’ll find a home. Together.” She hugs Judy, brushing her fingers along her nape. “Won’t leave you behind anymore.” 

Judy smiles—tentative, fragile—when V pulls back. “Promise?”

“Won’t need to.” V glances out over the tents. “Got one last thing to do, and then we’re leaving.” She leans in and presses a kiss to Judy’s cheek. “See you soon.”

And then, she’s off, that restless girl of hers. Judy watches as V heads over to the pair sitting by the tower before making her own way to Carol’s van. The cars take off alongside a massive tank called the basilisk, and Judy has a brief moment of reflection when she realizes this is what she and Evelyn always dreamed of. She tells V as much, feeling something releasing in her chest as she says goodbye to Night City, to Evelyn.

Carol tosses a scanner into Judy’s lap. “Here. Your girl told me you were pretty good with tech. Think you can keep the drones off of us?”

They drive through the dust storm, and Judy’s never quite seen anything like it. It’s beautiful in its own way. 

They break the quiet here and there with snippets of conversation and updates when Carol clears her throat. “So, V...you sure about her?”

Judy lifts an eyebrow. “I’m leaving the city with her. That clear enough?”

“Look, I just want to make sure you’re okay with what she is.” Carol frowns. “I thought she was just a typical merc at first—shiftless, a slave to the highest bidder—but watching her fight at the Arasaka base when Militech hemmed us in...if we didn’t have her, we’d be goners. Never hesitated to fight on the front lines, even when it looked really bad. She’s got balls, that one. I see now why Panam trusts her so.” There’s a begrudging respect in her voice. “Reckon you might have picked a winner.” 

“Yeah.” Judy looks out the window. “I really did.” 

They drive for the next few hours in silence, Carol cutting through the storm with ease before they find the tunnel and head straight through.

When they finally catch up to the basilisk, night has fallen and the Aldecaldos have already set up tents.

Judy’s looking out the window, already scanning the people sitting around the fire when Carol nudges her. She turns back to see the other woman smirking. “Go on. I know you’re dying to find her.” 

Judy nods before stumbling out of the van, quickly darting through the camp and tents before finding V near the centre around a bonfire.

V sits close to Panam on the same crate, nearly shoulder to shoulder, with V laughing at whatever Mitch said. Seeing another woman be so close to hers made something claw at her throat, her chest, but the feeling abates when V turns to see her, breaking out into a smile.

V stands, clapping Panam on the shoulder and pointing to Judy. Panam waves her off, turning her gaze back to a clan member vying for her attention, and V strides forward, hands in her pockets, shoulders relaxed. She reaches out a hand for Judy’s, and Judy takes it, letting V lead her to the edge of the camp, far enough to not be heard but not out of the light of the campfire. She sits on a large, flat rock, glancing up.

Judy crosses her arms, feeling strangely vulnerable. “What now?”

V smiles—tentative, hopeful. “Panam says she has a lead on a ripperdoc that knows how to remap DNA down in Tucson. Says it should buy me more time while we figure something out. She also said something about Nanites used for MS, but we’ll have to look into that once we find that guy first.” She holds out her hand, and Judy slips her in, feeling warmth seep into her chest, a bright burst of something that makes her feel like she’s flying. “One step at a time.” 

Old insecurities creep in. Judy can’t help it. “You and Panam are close, huh?”

V looks confused before she realizes what Judy means. She makes a face. “No, ugh. Panam is just—she’s a buddy, someone who’s been in the fire with me. She risked life and limb and clan for me.” Her face softens. “The best damn friend you can ask for if it’s not Jackie Welles.

“But you’re something more.”

The doubts crumble at the expression on V’s face. Judy reached out to caress one cheek. “I damn well better be.” She notes the furrowed brows. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking how everything’s come full circle. I came to Night City having lost a family, only to gain another. I lost one best friend only to receive another. I expected a hedonistic lifestyle of drinking, sex, and drugs, only to find something quiet and real instead.” She reaches up to squeeze Judy’s hand. “Johnny's gone too. It's weird without his voice in my head." She exhales. "At this point, I’m just thinking about what lays ahead of me.”

V tilts her head, looking up into the sky. “I either find a cure or die free, Judy. After everything I’ve faced, it’s the best I could ask for.” 

“You could ask for a long-ass life with me.” Judy scowls, crosses her arms. “That’d be a good wish.” 

V chuckles, pulling Judy into her despite the latter’s initial resistance. “That’s not what I mean. Of course, I’d want to be with you. I will either way.” When Judy settles into her lap, V nuzzles against her collarbone, and Judy feels her irritation fall away. “But I’m where I belong, and I hope in time, you will be too. You’ll feel at home soon.”

Judy softens. She exhales, looking up at the stars, bright clusters of light in the darkness around them. “I spent so much time looking for a place of my own, somewhere where people would accept me, that I never realized the truth of it all. Home isn’t a place. It’s a person, it’s a community.” She brings V’s hand to her cheek. “I am home. Whenever I’m with you.” 

V grins—a wide and relaxed expression that makes Judy wonders if this is how she looked when she was in the Bakkers, when she was roaming. When she was free. “Hey,” V sighs, tucking her face into the crook of Judy’s neck, “no matter what happens, I’ll love you to the end of my life,” she murmurs.

Judy presses a kiss to her forehead, sighing against her skin. “And I’ll love you to the end of mine.”


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V reflects on everything that's brought her to this point and on what she has to let go to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. This series is officially done, and I hope you all appreciate this last instalment. It's sad, relieving, and an overall interesting feeling to be done with it, but it has been a great pleasure to bring it to completion as well.
> 
> Thanks to Halifax for her feedback as always, even when she tells me I need to write more for a massive chapter.

V squints at the sunrise creeping over the edge, settling on an overhanging ledge where Panam sits and wondering why the other woman called her here so early. “Something up?”

“You could say that.” Panam glances down, squeezing one knee to her chest. 

V eyes her, noting the tension in her jaw, the furrow in her brows. “Something’s eating at you.”

Panam inhales, looking away and taking a moment to herself. “Yeah. Have you noticed that the Aldecaldos have taken to you as their leader for scouting? For general decisions?”

V frowns. “I have noticed that people are asking me about munitions supplies and other ways to plan a raid. Are...you saying I’m stepping on your toes?”

Panam barks a laugh. “No, by all means, you can deal with that. I’ve got too much shit on my plate to worry about whether you’re taking over my dreams of counting ammunition stock.” She clears her throat, turning to face V. “Actually, that’s kind of related to what I wanted to talk about.”

She takes a few moments of silence before swearing. “Well, fuck. No easy way to say this. V, I want you to lead the clan with me.”

V stares before laughing. “Okay, seriously? I’m like...dying in a few months—” She holds up her hands when Panam moves to correct her threateningly. “—maybe. And I just got inducted to the family. How could I possibly do that?”

“Because I said so. Because Saul’s dead, and I—” Panam’s expression crumbles. “—I need you to be my right hand, V. I can’t lead everyone by myself. I need someone else to bounce ideas off of, to...”

V raises an eyebrow. “Fight?”

“I wouldn’t say that. Okay, maybe I would say that exactly.” Panam sighs, “Fuck, V. I wasn’t ready to take over. I thought I would have more time.”

V glances down at her hands. “Sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing! We decided to execute that plan, so the fault lies on my shoulders, not yours.” Panam shakes her head. “Saul knew the risks of what he was getting into. We both knew, and we have to deal with the consequences all the same.” She shifts and glances out into the distance, a long stretch of desert and brush. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

“And why would I? Couldn’t you ask Mitch or someone else?”

Panam scowls. “He’s too reconciliatory. I need someone who’ll butt heads with me, who’ll tell me when my ideas won’t work and stand their ground, someone—“

“Who’s a stubborn fuck like you.” 

She brightens. “You get it. Someone who can see ahead and polish my plans, who can see the details I can’t. You can’t deny your merc experience made you extremely practical.”

Which is true, V supposes. Panam is a meticulous planner but tends to lose her head when things go off-course. V does not always come up with the best plans, but she executes the ones she has exceptionally well and can adapt to surprises. It would be a blind person who couldn’t see how their strengths complement each other. “The clan won’t like someone who just joined rising so fast through the ranks.”

“They can kiss my ass then. They saw you fight at the tower. They know what you’re capable of. And if I had to worry about the clan’s approval, I wouldn’t do half the shit I do. I’m here to keep them alive, not to please the fuck out of everyone.”

Sighing, she stands. “Just...think about it, okay?” She claps V on the shoulder. “I know you’re hesitant to say yes and take on more when you’re not sure you’ll even be here next year, but...V, I need you. And not just me.” She starts walking away towards the centre of the camp. “Oh, and you’re on breakfast duty. Better start cooking soon.”

Oh, fuck you, Panam.

V sprints to the food supply trucks and checks over what they have on hand. Breakfast is a big deal considering there are very limited resting periods for meals, and she does not want hungry Aldecaldos riding her ass all day because there wasn’t enough time to make it.

Grabbing a couple crates of syn-eggs and ham, she heads to the huge grill stationed near the heart of the camp, already lighting it up as she heads back to grab a dozen plates or so, some ‘ganic potatoes that the clan got ahold of, and a giant bag of oatmeal that she dumps into a pot.

A few minutes in, Mitch peers out blearily from his tent, the scent of the eggs catching his attention. He catches sight of V madly working over the griddle part of the grill and shakes his head, putting on his boots and joining her on the cooking line. V slides the first plate of eggs and ham towards him in gratitude when she’s done, and Mitch nods, grabbing the meal and sitting down for breakfast as the rest of the Aldecaldos start crawling out of their tent, noses in the air.

V finishes scrambling a mountain of eggs and ham, piling them on the plates as the clan piles in, clapping her on the shoulder in greeting with someone taking over for her to watch the oatmeal. Looking around as she drops her spatulas on a makeshift table beside her, she wonders where Judy is and steps away from the tables towards the edge of camp.

She checks her phone, wondering why Judy left her a voicemail right before breakfast as she ducks into their tent, only to feel a pair of arms slowly pull her backwards from behind.

“Hey.” Judy presses against her back, arms wrapping around her waist. “Something smells great.”

V gestures to somewhere beyond the flaps of the entrance. “Breakfast is ready.”

Judy’s voice goes husky. “Wasn’t talking about that.” She hooks her fingers into the belt loops around V’s waist and spins her around. V stumbles in surprise while Judy mouths at her jaw, cups her between the leg, and begins undoing her belt.

Wow. Where is this coming from?

V’s brain fries, but she manages to get some distance between them, pushing Judy back by her shoulders as the latter nearly snarls. “Hey, save it for tonight. Got something I need to think about, but after that—“ She leans in, presses a long, hot kiss against Judy’s lips, who drinks it in greedily. “—I’m all yours.”

“I can’t wait.” Judy’s pupils are already blown, dark discs surrounded by a shade like desert sand. She inhales raggedly, taking a step back. “Better get going. Using all my willpower not to take you right now.”

V kisses her quickly on the cheek before ducking out of the tent. She forgets what she’s doing for a long moment, blinking absently in the morning light, before she rigidly turns and heads back to grab something to eat for herself. Judy joins her twenty minutes later, freshly showered and not meeting her eyes as she gets a plate and settles by V’s side. 

“S’not bad.” Judy bites down on a mouthful of eggs. “Needs salt.”

“You can cook next time.” V doesn’t want to admit Judy’s right. She stands, stacking her dirty dish on a pile nearby left for the cleaning crew. “Add as much seasoning as your heart desires once we stock up on supplies.”

Judy grabs onto her wrist. “Hey, I wasn’t criticizing your cooking,” she says softly. “It’s just...I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss the food in Night City.”

“Me too.” V rubs the bridge of her nose. “Panam wasn’t kidding.”

A group of Aldecaldos pass by, heading towards the cars and bikes, rifles on their shoulders. One of them turns to her, and V recognizes him as Mitch. He waves to her. “V? Got an hour? Some of us are going to scout ahead, and we’d like you with us.”

V perks. “Yeah, I’m down for that. Let me grab my gear.” She squeezes Judy’s hand who nods, nearly done her own plate, before dashing over to their tent.

She ducks past the entrance, squeezing between the flaps and grabbing her rifle from beside her bedroll when her phone rings. She ignores it as she packs spare clips into a backpack, hearing it go to voicemail before the phone starts ringing again. Really?

“Hello?” V picks up, irritated at the persistent caller until she sees who it is.

Oh, fuck.

Mama Welles scowls on the vid screen, and V cowers, preparing for the tongue lashing. “V? What is this I hear about you running away with the Aldecaldos? Rolling in the dust? Are you out of your mind?” She curses profusely in Spanish. “And you even left your girl behind! How heartless! You should have said something to her.”

“Actually, she knows. She came with me.”

The scowl deepens further. “You ran off with her, and you didn’t even have the decency to make an honest woman out of her? Dios mío, V. I thought I taught you better than that.”

V sighs. She just can’t win.

Judy’s voice floats in from the entrance. “Did I hear something about making an honest woman out of someone?” She pads over while V panics and considers hanging up.

“Is that her? Let me see her,” Mama Welles insists. When V hesitates, she glares. “You leave without saying goodbye, and you won’t introduce me to your sweetheart? What have I done to deserve such treatment?”

“Ugh, fine.” V shoves the phone screen over to Judy, who starts. She mouths “I’m sorry” as Mama Welles casts her critical eye over Judy, and the latter shifts uncomfortably.

Judy draws a breath and meets Mama Welles’ gaze, the two exchanging the silent volley of questions and responses that V can’t follow before Mama Welles’s face lightens, eyes crinkling in approval.

“I see. Well, listen carefully. V is a sweet girl, but she can be very stupid at times. You need to take good care of her,” Mama Welles announces warmly as if she forgot that V’s the one holding the phone. “You two come visit me when you drop by Night City. I’ll make you some homemade food.”

Judy nods carefully. “That would be wonderful, señorita.”

Mama Welles claps her hands. “A girl with manners. V, you better do right by this one; otherwise, someone else will.”

V rolls her eyes, bringing the phone back to herself. “Gotta go! Talk to you some other time.” She hangs up just as Mama Welles opens her mouth to protest, tucking her phone into her pocket and turning to Judy. “Sorry about that. She caught me by surprise.”

“Don’t be. She seems very sweet.” Judy wraps her arms around one of V’s, chuckling. “A little fiery, maybe.”

“Seems that way with all the important women in my life.” V shakes her head as Judy bumps her hip gently against V’s.

“So...what was that she was saying before I came in?” Judy’s tone is casual. “Something about making an honest woman outta me?”

V flushes. She coughs and looks away. “Mama Welles gets carried away sometimes. Don’t mind her.”

“Mmm...right. Well,” Judy leans in to whisper in V’s ear, “I wouldn’t say no if you asked.”

V looks away. “I don’t want to make you a young widow.”

“Shouldn’t that be my decision to make?” Judy sighs, turning V to face her. Her eyes flicker, and she hesitates. “So, why don’t we get married?”

Yes.

Wait.

“Is this an actual proposal?” V’s eyebrows shoot into her hair. 

Judy sighs and kisses her cheek. “Think about it, V,” she murmurs as she passes out of the tent.

Oh, shit. 

It is.

V staggers out of the tent, rifle in hand. She heads over to where the others are waiting on their rides, and Mitch gives her a concerned look when she stumbles into the one prepared for her. 

Panam decides to join too, and V silently joins her as her partner. They take their bikes beyond the perimeter of the camp, splitting up into pairs as they check the horizon for any resources, enemies, or other points of interest. The motion is familiar to V as she scans the environment—the dusty roads and blue skies. In the background rolls ridges of rocky outcroppings while the spiky, green outlines of bushes trails along them. The occasional blossom of purple and yellow wildflowers dot the landscape, reminding V that even in the middle of an unforgiving desert, there’s always something beautiful if you look for it.

It’s grounding in a way, helping her to focus on her breathing and bring herself back to where she is. She still nearly drives into cacti and falls into a gorge before she rights herself, thoughts spinning in a thousand different directions.

Panam waits until they take a break below a rocky outcropping before turning to her. “Okay, what the fuck, V? You’ve been tuning out all day.”

“Judy proposed to me.” V stares into the horizon. “Haven’t answered yet.”

“About damn time. Anyone with eyes could see how she looks at you,” Panam snorts. “So? Going to say yes? And don’t give me that woe-is-me-I’m-dying crap.”

V exhales roughly. “It’s just...everything’s moving so fast and not just with her. We barely got out of Night City, and I’m being asked a dozen different things.”

Panam shrugs. “Life goes on. What did you expect?”

“I dunno. Maybe more than a couple of weeks before you ask me to take up Saul’s place and Judy asks me to marry her.”

“You don’t have the time for that,” Panam says quietly, looking out into the distance. 

“Yeah, I know,” V sighs. “I just don’t know what to expect.” She runs one hand through her hair.

“Exactly the same thing you’ve been doing but with titles.” Panam bumps her with her shoulder. “Don’t overthink it. You already know what you want to do. And besides,” she continues, shrugging, “you’re not getting any younger.”

“Says you, you dateless wonder.”

“Fuck you.” Panam crosses her arms and leans against her bike, studying V. “Sometimes, I do wonder what would have happened if you had been a guy or if you had a brother.”

V waves her off. “Let’s not go there. I’m perfectly happy the way I am.”

“Me too.” Panam’s eyes wrinkle in affection. “Did you think about my proposal?”

V shakes her head.

“Okay, then did you think about Judy’s?”

V swears and walks away while giving Panam the finger. Panam laughs, gathering her stuff. “You can’t avoid an answer forever.”

They ride forward, noting a small river with clean water and marking it down on a map. A rise of maze-like canyons tower in the distance while rock-strewn hills surround them for miles. Finding nothing else, they return to camp with Panam keeping a sharp eye on the horizon for the others, who seem to have come back before them.

When they reach the clan and dismount from their bikes, Carol greets them with messages from the Aldecaldo camp in Arizona. “Got some details about the situation in Tuscan. Not looking pretty right now.”

Panam skims them before swearing, summoning V and Mitch to follow her to the main tent. She hands the downloaded schematics to Mitch and plants the reader with the message in the center of the table there. “The tension in the Free States is huge right now. Rumours are that they’ll get into a war with NUSA within a couple of years, funded by the corps as always.”

V swears. “Another civil war? So soon after the second one?”

“Yup.” Panam pops her “p” distinctively. “And guess which idiot ripperdoc we’re looking for got kidnapped by a faction supporting the war?”

“Seriously?” Why is nothing simple? “So, we have to rescue him.”

Panam nods. “It’s not going to be easy. The guys who took him are packing some serious tech.”

V nods, understanding. “Which would make for some trading power for the Aldecaldos if we were to take some.” She considers her options. “Will we get others on our asses if I killed them all?”

“Still figuring that out. If you can extract him quietly, that would be best.” Mitch glances at the schematics. “Won’t be easy though. Place looks pretty secure.”

V shrugs. “Can’t be worse than breaking into Arasaka tower.”

He grins. “That was the raid of a lifetime.”

“The problem is that we can’t afford to spare a lot of people for it.” Panam rubs at her forehead. “Our buyer for the Arasaka equipment is only in town for a couple of days, and we need to get rid of it as soon as we can to avoid any traces.”

V nods. “So, I’m on my own.”

Panam raises an eyebrow. “Says who? I’ll be going with you while Mitch and Carol handle the transaction.” She slaps a stunned V on the shoulder. “Gotta get you out like I did in the last one, don’t I?”

“Panam—“

“Don’t. I made up my mind, V. You need the best on this operation, and I am the fucking best.”

V rolls her eyes. “So much for modesty.”

Panam heads out of the tent. “You’re welcome.” She turns and barks an order at the scouts near the front of the camp before walking over to them. 

V watches her go and shakes her head. “That woman.”

“Not quite like your girl, right?” Mitch tucks away the schematics. “When are you two getting hitched, by the way?”

She throws up her hands. “Why is everyone so concerned about us getting married all of a sudden?”

“You can’t blame us for wanting a reason to celebrate after what happened with Saul. People want to be happy for a night so we’re looking for an occasion to do so.” Mitch grins. “How about an Aldecaldo wedding? You and Judy can stand around the fire with your vows. We get some crates of beer, get totally smashed—“

“How about you back off so I can plan my own wedding?” V shoots back, walking away. “And stop smirking!”

“It’ll cheer everyone up,” Mitch calls after her. “Think about it?”

V has a lot to think about, what with everyone planning her impending wedding that she hasn’t agreed to yet, Panam’s offer, the life of the ripperdoc who can save her in the air. Why is everything coming at her at once?

She wanders to the edge of camp, far away from the rest that she can’t be easily interrupted but close enough to run back at the sign of any trouble. Sitting down on a rocky ledge, she pulls out her Malorian Arms 3516, examining the polished steel and wondering what Johnny would have said. Probably something along the lines of ‘Make a decision already, you pussy.’ 

She snorts. “Miss you, you crotchedly bastard.” Leaning back, she concludes that Johnny is right even when he’s not here. Seconds passed like days to her, weeks like whole years. She does not have time to dither and delay, none to waste and wonder if one decision is the best or not. Not even the expected promise that she’ll wake the next day, that she’ll have another one to spare. All she has is the moment at hand. That’s all she ever had, she realizes. The future isn’t set in stone, will always have that edge of uncertainty. Living fully like each minute is your last is all that matters. 

She doesn’t head back to camp for a while, watching the sun drift across the sky towards the horizon, like a magnet pulled to its opposite pole, like V stumbling forward towards a future she doesn’t know.

V rises, pacing along the ledge, dust swirling and settling on the dark leather of her boots as she stares out at the drop below her, the stretches of desert yet to go. Miles to go and promises to keep, though the darkness feels lovely, dark, and deep. Just one more person she needs to say goodbye to first. 

“It’s strange. I never thought I’d be here. I’d thought I would be in Night City still—drinking, doing gigs, dead if I was careless. Or unlucky.” She chuckles. Talking to herself because Johnny isn’t here. Not the worst habit to keep. “If you asked me at the start of this, who’d be out here living their dream with their woman by their side, I would have never picked me. I would have said you, Jack.” 

She sits down, having trampled the bits of grass underneath her boot in a neat line. A clear beginning and end. “I never knew what I wanted when I came to Night City. Just that it was a place where I could have a new start. You had such a clear dream—a goal of being a legend, of making a mark, of having men and women you respect know your name. I latched onto your drive, your fervour to be more than just a poor boy from Heywood. You had such life in you, Jackie. So much passion to be more than what everyone told you could be. So much grit to prove them all wrong. I respected that from the moment we met. I still do.” She pulls her knees to her chest. “But your dreams were never really mine. Not really. I wasn’t willing to give my life up twice for fame.” 

Silence fills the air, but V doesn’t feel disturbed by it. It’s almost comforting, like a blanket laid on her shoulders. “You know the star of this story, it should have been you. Had you left the chip in your head, you would have gotten a chance to be a legend like you wanted.” V shakes her head. “But you saved me instead. You always had to be a hero. It always had to be you.”

She exhales. “I guess...this is it. No more Night City. No more you. It doesn’t feel right starting anew without you, but the world still spins, the sun still rises, and life goes on. Even when you’re gone,” she murmurs, looking up at the setting sun, night dragging behind it like a dark blanket pulled over the world. The stars come out like speckles of golden, distant dreams. 

“There’s so many more out here than in the city. I never realized how lonely I was when I couldn’t see them,” she mutters, feeling the wind rustle through the grass around her as if answering. “I wonder where you are, Jackie. Probably the biggest, brightest one of them all. With the most obnoxious twinkle.”

As if on cue, one of the stars above her seems to shine stronger than the others. V smiles as she leans back on her hands. “Of course. A show-off even in death.” A few moments later, and the smile slips off of her face. She leans forward, the sweet smell of grass in the air like a familiar trail leading home. “I might be getting married, Jack. Weird, isn’t it? I thought Hell would freeze over twice before I ever beat you to the altar. I wish you could have met Judy. You two would have hit it off. Maybe you would have loved her more than me.”

He would have been her best man. He would have beaten anyone else who tried to claim the spot. The honour would now probably fall to one of the Aldecaldos. Most likely Panam because she would kill Mitch if he tried to take it from her. 

V laughs softly, absently drawing shapes in the soft dirt behind her. “I told Judy to close the loop, but here I am, stuck in one of my own.” She shakes her head. “Can’t carry you around anymore, can’t keep wallowing, can’t keep obsessing over what happened. Couldn’t forget you if I tried. But you would never want me to dwell, to be angry that I lived and you died. You’d probably be upset at me for brooding on it for so long. ‘Go and live, chica! The sun also rises, and the sun also goes down, speeding up to when he goes up again.’ I hated the fact you loved Hemmingway.” She chuckles. “I miss you, buddy. I guess I always will.” Standing, she scuffs her boot in the dust and ducks her face, wiping at her eyes.

She pulls her pendant from her neck, holding it over the ridge—a reminder of when one life ended and another began. “Here’s to you, Jackie. Here's to the wedding that should have been yours and Misty’s. A new life. A new beginning until I see you once again.” She holds the pendant over the edge for a few heartbeats—a lifetime—before she lets go, and the golden glint of the bullet disappears into the darkness, like a stone sinking into the depths of the ocean, like a star vanishing into a black hole.

V exhales, a long slow breath that feels like it’s draining something heavy from her limbs, from her chest. A sadness settles in her chest, but it doesn’t suffocate her, doesn’t feel like it’ll claw out her eyes, make her feel like she’s falling down an endless stairwell of grief. More like...an old friend. She supposes it’ll never fully go away. But she doesn’t have to let it stop her from moving on.

She turns on her heel, the stars shining above like a million fallen souls watching over her. “Adiós para siempre, amigo.”

The trek back to the camp seems lighter in spite of the silence back. As she nears the outer tents, the buzz of clan life slowly grows louder as she tunes into the sounds—the chatter of friends around campfires, the laughter of family members eating together—and V feels warmth start into life in her chest. A fire sparking from kindling. The lazy spin of the sun around the moon. 

Walking through camp, past people who shout out for her to join them, V searches through the tents and vehicles, spotting Panam as she passes on her way to inspect the trucks. She calls out, “Hey, got time to talk?”

Panam glances behind her and dismisses the men following her. She gestures for V to come with her to a secluded part of camp, just beyond the last ring of tents. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been thinking...a lot. About everything.” V glances away before raising her eyes to meet Panam’s. “If you need me to be your right hand, my answer is yes. I don’t know if I’ll still be here the next day, but if I am, I want to help.”

Panan looks like she could shake her. “Seriously?” She hisses through gritted teeth, and V wonders what she did to piss her off. “This speech again? Wake up, V! None of us is guaranteed a tomorrow. Saul is proof of that! We can only make the most of the day we have in our hands!” She huffs. “You might not be here in a week. I might not be either. Nor Mitch. We can’t control when we go, but we can fucking live life while we’re here.”

V runs a hand through her hair. “So, you’re saying that I’ve been acting like an ass.”

“In short, yes.”

“Glad to see you don’t mince words,” V laughs softly. “Y’know, this thing called tact could go a long way for you.”

“Hmm...never heard of it.” Panam studies her, eyebrows furrowed. “Have any more self-pity I need to beat out of you?”

V shakes her head before glancing up at the sky. “No, I’m just grateful that I got to live again, that in my final few months, I’ll get to live a full lifetime, however short that may be.” 

A smile spreads across Panam’s face, and she hums approvingly. “About damn time. Got grey hairs waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass.”

“Yeah, thanks for your patience.” V nearly rolls her eyes. “So, the clan—”

“My problem, not yours.” Panam shakes her head. “We’ll talk more about that and the ripperdoc situation in the morning.” She turns V around and pushes her towards the residential section of the camp. “You got someone else you need to deal with first, right?”

V tries to dig her boots in as she’s shoved forward towards her own tent and she realizes where she’s going. “Fuck you, Panam.”

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too, buddy.” 

Panam literally presses her onward until V’s standing in front of her own tent flaps. She knocks Panam’s arms off of her, and the latter gives her the finger, shaking her head and grinning before departing.

V swallows and turns to stare at the entrance, hands clenching and unclenching, throat dry. Staring down the barrel of Adam Smasher’s gun is less frightening than what she’s about to do. Even less frightening than when she was looking at Vik’s gun, sitting on that rooftop while Johnny waits what seems like an entire lifespan for her answer.

Reaching out, she nearly rips the flaps off from sheer nervousness as she stumbles in, feet forgetting how to move.

Judy glances up from the bedroll, startled from doing something on her scanner. “V?”

“Yes.”

“What?” 

“Yes to your earlier question.” V swallows, stomach rolling, heartbeat palpitating out of her ears. She’s so anxious, she considers dying. “Let’s get married.”

“Oh.” Judy stares, opening and closing her mouth. “Yeah, I—“ A slow flush sinks down her face into her chest, her arms. “Good. Good answer.” She gathers her hair in her hands, inhaling and exhaling rapidly. 

V realizes she’s hyperventilating. “Uh...you okay?”

Judy bursts out into laughter, startling V, who wonders if Judy got hacked. “Fuck, V.” She wipes at her eyes, grinning widely. “You make me so goddamn happy, you know that?”

V kneels besides Judy, who turns and throws herself into V’s arms, nearly toppling them over. “Seriously, are you okay?”

“Oh, fuck. I didn’t introduce you to abuelito and abuelita yet.” Judy pulls back and rubs a palm into one eye. “She’ll kill me when I tell her. Worse, she’ll never get off my back for not getting you a ring first.” 

V nods and rubs circles into Judy’s back. Her output’s clearly gone crazy and talking to herself in her own world. “How about we talk about this after some rest?”

Judy grins and yanks V in by the collar of her shirt. “How about we stay up all night celebrating? You owe me after all.” 

V considers it briefly before dipping forward to meet Judy’s mouth, who sighs against her own, already pushing V’s jacket off of her shoulders. 

Not a bad proposition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for joining me on this ride. It has been a wonderful series to write and also wonderful to interact with many of you.


End file.
